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Meet Your Board Member
A Q&A with ICFA Board Member
Christine Toson Hentges
Vice President/General Manager
Pinelawn Memorial Park, Restlawn Memorial Park, Fort Howard Memorial Park (The Tribute Companies)
Milwaukee, Wausau, Green Bay and Delafield, Wisconsin
www.tributeinc.com
Why did you choose to work in the cemetery and funeral service industry?
My great-grandfather, grandfather and father have all been in the cemetery industry for many years, providing service in sales, consulting, management and ownership. I grew up going to Memorial Day programs, running around cemeteries and looking at this industry in an entirely different way than most people do.
Nobody in my family ever asked me, or any other family member in my generation, to go into the business, but we all knew it was an open option.
When I became old enough to join the workforce, the cemetery industry never seemed to be the avenue I would take. But after graduating with a degree in psychology, focused on child psychology, I had worked with children for a short time. I quickly realized I did not have the patience to work with children in the way I had intended. I was uncertain of what to do with my future -- get an entirely new career, go back to school? -- so I asked my father, Bill Toson, if there was a place in the company in which he could see me succeeding.
I think my question was unexpected, but he told me right away that in order to succeed in any part of the business, you had to know how to sell. He explained that in any type of business, without sales, an organization would never be able to survive. So, I began as a preneed cemetery salesperson to see if it was a match. There were many struggles and moments I never thought I would make it in this industry, but somehow, it worked out and all of the mistakes I made taught me a lifetime worth of lessons.
What is the best experience you've ever had in your job?
Pinelawn Memorial Park in Milwaukee hosted the moving Vietnam Memorial Wall in 1995 for one week. I was fairly new to the company, but was made responsible for coordinating the entire event. We had been told how much of an emotional impact the wall had on Vietnam veterans, so we wanted to make the event significant for the time it was at our cemetery. Several large ceremonies were planned that required hundreds of volunteers, donations, contributions and service member participants.
When the wall arrived at the cemetery, it was made immediately apparent how much the Vietnam War and all other wars scarred so many people emotionally. Many veterans and their families broke down and let all of their pain be known publicly. Hundreds of people were touched by the ceremonies and the simple fact that we had taken the time to host the touring wall.
The entire week opened my eyes to the dedication members of the armed forces have to our country. I also realized how many people keep their feelings locked up for many years after experiencing the death of someone close to them. It was so rewarding to see the impact that this type of memorialization had on people.
What was the most difficult, and what did you learn from it?
When my son was about 2 years old, we had a family come to our cemetery who had a daughter who died from being physically abused. The little girl was the same age as my son -- to the day. Going through a situation as horrible as that was obviously devastating to the mother, and I really felt it, too, since I made such a connection with imagining that little girl's life vs. my son's life. There seemed to be such an enormous gap between the type of life each of them had lived in such a short amount of time. I simply could not stop wondering if I would be able to cope if I lost one of my children, especially to such an irresponsible reason.
But these are the stories we hear in our industry. This situation helped me remember that there is never a day that should go by that we don't realize how many blessings we have on a daily basis, no matter how miniscule they may be.
What advice would you give to young people just starting out in this industry?
Remember that this industry is a business.
I have encountered many young people coming into the business who get swept away with the emotional aspect of their jobs. They work well with the families, offer exceptional care and services and help families feel they can come to them if and when they need anything.
But then, because they have connected directly with the client family's feelings, they feel they should not cause discomfort in any way; so they have a difficult time saying "no" to their client family's demands or asking for a sale even when they know that the family will benefit from it. That, in turn, does nothing but a disservice for your cemetery or funeral home.
If they can remember they are part of a business, many times they should remember that a successful business will offer extraordinary service and care and superior merchandise while continuously striving to make a profit. This is a fine line that automatically divides those who succeed from those who don't.
What do you see as the biggest benefits of ICFA membership?
The wonderful connections that are created through networking! This is the heart of the ICFA. There is such a wealth of success stories from the members who have been involved through the years that demonstrate that the time, effort and frustrations endured on the job are all worth it in the end.
Why did you wish to serve on the ICFA board?
I felt it was the most superior organization in our industry and that I would be honored to represent it. As with most people, my time is precious, so I felt my dedication should be to the best quality group.
The ICFA demonstrates every dimension of our industry, not just one specific area, so by serving this kind of group, I will be able to learn just as much as, if not more than, I contribute. Having a voice in a group this influential is a tremendous opportunity.
Additionally, the other board members are people I wanted to get to personally know better in order to learn the most I can.
What is the biggest challenge facing the industry, and how can the ICFA address it?
The loss of tradition in our society. Tradition is the heart of the funeral and cemetery industry, and since so many customers blatantly ignore tradition these days, we need to be so creative and ahead of the "trends" that it sometimes comes back to haunt us.
I believe that everyone involved in the industry is aware of this unconventionality, and we all try to do the best we can, but by having so many options and working through so many different situations and personalities, it is difficult to specialize in what each person feels is his or her true strength. People like to feel they have a strong area of expertise, but if people focus too much on one area, they will lose business.
There are a lot of people who believe that the lack of tradition is good for our industry, since it forces us to all think outside of the box. This is exciting to a certain degree, but in our industry, we need a basis of tradition in order to stay in business. This aspect needs to be brought back into our businesses.
What are your outside interests?
Spending quality fun time with my children, Jacob, 5, and Maia, 3, and husband Tim. Golf, tennis, jazzercise, biking and Harley-Davidson motorcycle riding.
Who are your heroes/role models?
My Dad, Bill Toson, is my role model! He has taught me everything I know about the industry and about the great philosophies of life. I have watched him dedicate himself to his business, family and friends in unique ways that always lead to success. He has an aura around him that seems to give him the right answers to everything and a constant sense to do everything right, whether it's in a business sense or moral sense.
Years ago, I always thought he worked far too much, but now I know exactly what drove him to work as hard as he did -- and does! Many of my work ethics and personality traits come from him, and I am proud of that, since I admire so much of what he does.
If you could "do lunch" with anyone, living or dead, whom whould you choose and why?
Princess Diana. I respect her poise and beauty and the admiration she gained from so many people throughout the world. She was placed into a fairy-tale life that to any young lady seemed glamorous and beautiful, but in reality she had a lot of personal struggles. I would love to talk to her about the truths in her life vs. the perception the media created about her. She came across as timid to the public for so many years, but I believe she had to have been such a strong person inside.
So much publicity took place about the "other" type of life that was lived by her after she died.
When she died, it demonstrated on a massive scale the emotions that occur from an unexpected death. I feel so many people were deeply touched and personally felt a loss when she died that it brought a unique feeling of how precious and fragile each life is.
Copyright ICFA 2002
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