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Tides of Change:
John F. Kennedy Jr.'s Burial At Sea
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B. David Daly
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Gregg Williamson
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Ed Laux
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Cynthia Rice
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Tom Simonson
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The cremation and burial at sea of John F. Kennedy Jr., Carolyn Bessette Kennedy and Lauren Bessette off the shores of Massachusetts on July 22 attracted media and public attention throughout the United States and abroad. The arrangements entailed only minor assistance from a funeral home and did not involve a cemetery at all. As yet, no plans for a permanent memorial have been announced. What does the Kennedy family's decision to bury "America's son" at sea mean to the cemetery and funeral industry, and what are its implications for our future?
ICFM recently held a roundtable discussion with five industry executives to explore these questions: B. David Daly, CCFE, president and chief executive officer, Evergreen-Washelli Memorial Park and Funeral Home, Seattle, Washington; Gregg Williamson, CCE, excutive vice president, Palm Mortuary, Las Vegas, Nevada; Ed Laux, CCE, consultant, Bronx, New York; Cynthia Savage Rice, CCE, general manager and sales manager, Trinity Memorial Gardens, New Port Richey, Florida; and Tom Simonson, president, Sentinel Cremation Societies, San Ramon, California.
ICFM: What is your opinion of burial at sea as a choice for disposition of cremated remains?
Daly: Personally and corporately I have nothing against it as long as it's a chosen disposition rather than just a default disposition for all cremated remains. I think we in the industry owe it to people to explain what some of the alternatives might be before we accept the order for an at-sea disposition if another method or another procedure would be better for the family in the long run.
I see too many times where we in the industry treat cremation as if it were a cookie-cutter approach, i.e., pick up the body, cremate the body, dispose of the body at sea and say "thank you very much, here's your bill." And I think that does not serve us or the public.
Williamson: Here in the desert in Las Vegas, truthfully, we don't get much call for it. But many of our clients have come up from California and retired here in the valley in Southern Nevada, and often they are uninformed. They feel direct disposition includes being buried at sea and there are no other options.
What we ask our arrangement directors to do and what we train them to do is ask a simple question: "Will that make you and the family more comfortable than having a final resting place or memorial?" Often they'll say, "You mean there's something else I can do? I don't have to take them home?" or "What do you mean by memorialization or a final resting place?" And that gets a dialogue going to where they then understand their options. And then, as David pointed out, as long as the families understand their options and have exercised the one that is best in keeping with their wishes, we would have no problem with their choice.
Laux: I would agree with both Dave and Gregg. The biggest problem we've had since the tremendous growth in cremation is that we in the industry have failed to educate the public as to what alternatives are out there. I strongly believe that a lot of people in our industry -- both in the funeral side and the cemetery side -- are still failing to do that. And I think that if people are made aware of all the alternatives available and then they make an informed choice, I think that's the best way to go. We are supposed to be in the service industry, and that is providing service.
Rice: Well, I agree with everything that's been said. Obviously, education is the important part of what we do for the family. I think it's real important to ask questions to find out if that is their choice -- burial at sea -- why is it their choice, for what purpose is it. And I often think that if they have a reason -- they were raised on boats or loved the ocean and spent most of their time there -- well then, maybe they can put a portion of the cremains in the ocean as a tribute but then still keep some to memorialize with and to have a place to provide a history and a heritage with.
Simonson: I agree with the comment that one of the things we have to do is offer options to families and be sure they understand what's available, and then certainly if they choose scattering at sea as that option, then that's obviously what we want to give them.
Our organization, the Neptune Society of Northern California, has been built around scattering at sea. We handle here in California around 7,500 cremation cases a year, and 40 percent of those choose scattering at sea as their option. So we're scattering about 3,000 cases a year at sea. We don't just offer a service where we go out and scatter the cremated remains without the family present; we have quite an elaborate system here where we have a 60-foot yacht, and we offer three different services: one being a private charter, one in which we take three families out at a time and offer an individual memorial service to each one, and a third in which the family just chooses scattering at sea without being present. In each case, we have a clergyman on board, we have a director of services on board as well as the captain of the boat. So it's a fairly unique and rather elaborate service that we offer.
We are also seeing new options coming on the horizon. I don't know whether you've heard about the Celebrate Life program, where we're putting cremated remains in shells and shooting them up in fireworks a la the Fourth of July, but I can't believe the response we've had on that alone here in Northern California and all over the country. So I think as cremation becomes more and more visible and the consumer receives more approval from the funeral industry, I think more and more options are going to become available other than scattering at sea.
ICFM: What is your reaction to the Kennedy family's decision to bury John F. Kennedy Jr. at sea? What are the implications of this national news event for our industry?
Rice: I have a real strong reaction to what they did. I feel it was a snap reaction, and I don't think it was fair. I've been very interested in this story and I was reading a lot about John, and his favorite biblical passage was, "Of everyone to whom much as been given, much will be required." That was his favorite scripture, and I think that when you are in the public light -- and he chose to be -- that you do owe your fans and the public something. A lot of people have taken an interest in him and he made a real dedicated effort to become involved in a lot of charities and volunteer work, and so I think that just like with Princess Diana, the public is owed a little bit more than what they've been given. I think the family might be sorry later on, that they may have reacted quickly. It's like when you end a relationship and you burn all your love letters and then later you wish you hadn't done that because you might want to go back in order to go forward. I think they do owe the public an opportunity to express their love and respect and to grieve and honor and that maybe what they chose may have been a little selfish.
I remember also reading that Jackie gave her son, John, a birthday party on the night of the funeral of the president because rites and rituals were important to them. And I can't help but think that if Jackie had been alive that she would have done things differently.
Simonson: I was pleasantly surprised to hear that one of the premier Catholic families in the country chose cremation and scattering at sea. I think it was a consumer choice, and I don't think we should be criticizing a consumer choice. All of the options were obviously out there to them. They had all the money in the world, but for whatever reason, whether it was something he mentioned to a friend or whatever, it was the family's choice. It was the consumer's choice to do that. And I think that's fine and I think it also kind of mirrors the trend in cremation. I think it has had somewhat of a profound effect on cremation and will continue to have for years to come.
Rice: I've always worked in a very traditional market, so even though we're right on the gulf, we've had maybe one request in eight years for burial at sea. So we have not had to deal with it very much, and personally, I'm glad, because I think the importance of memorialization and the heritage and the traditional cemetery has a great importance, and I also think the processes of grief are important. Most people are in a place where they may deal with three or four deaths in a lifetime. They don't deal with death like we do on a regular basis, and so they don't understand how important the process is and the parts of healing and how important the traditions are.
Daly: I'd like to chime in and agree with Tom. As long as we're dealing with consumer choice here, I've got no complaint or even an issue or even a comment. As a taxpayer, I strongly resent my participation in the process. I've talked to a great many veterans who were irritated because there is a backlog of remains to be scattered at sea by the Navy from three or four months, and a lot of this is here on the West Coast, and then all of a sudden the government takes over and devotes an entire ship to it. So that's one of the feedbacks we've gotten.
But here we have so much cremation anyway and so much Catholic cremation. We have three Catholic cemeteries in the city. Each one of them has columbariums. They've all been doing cremations for years. It takes place everywhere from immediate cremation to a case we had the other day in which the remains were in a visitation room for a couple days, then removed from the casket, cremated, placed in an urn, then placed back in a casket and taken to the church for a service, then removed from the church, taken out of the casket and then inurned. So that's all the way from as elaborate as you can get to as simple as you can get.
The major effect will be a breaking loose of some of the restrictions against cremation, particularly on the East Coast. The day they did the scattering, I happened to be in a funeral home near Boston, a small funeral home, and the owner of the funeral home was just jumping up and down on one leg and then the other, because he does all the cremation in his community and is in direct competition with four Irish Catholic funeral homes, and he said, "They're going to fight this and argue against it, and I'm just going to do the cremations." He said, "My future is bright."
Laux: I'm in agreement with Tom Simonson. As long as this was the choice of the family, so be it. Responding to your question about what impact it will have, I think it's too early to see. The people who seemed to express the most interest in it were not the older people who are making arrangements at this time, but rather the people who are in their teens and the people who have just entered their early to mid-50s, and they're not the ones who are buying, so we're not going to see anything until they get a little bit older. I think this is just another indication that there is going to be a continued increase in cremation and personalized service with memorialization.
As far as the need to grieve and remember, I don't know what the Kennedy family is going to do. I'm sure they're going to do something to memorialize this young man. They just probably have not decided what it's going to be at this point in time. When you're dealing with a family that large, it takes a little time to get things organized.
I also agree with Dave. Being a veteran and being a very active member of my American Legion Post, where we do have a backlog of our own members, I was somewhat annoyed at the quick service this got, but it's understandable when it comes to political families. But it's still an unfortunate thing.
Rice: Well, I think the Kennedy family has certainly had to endure a lot to serve America in certain ways, and I understand how you feel because you come from different backgrounds, but I think that it was right that we did do what was necessary to find the bodies in respect for our president. And I just think they've given a lot and they deserve that much, because they have gone over and above the typical person.
Williamson: This really isn't an opinion, it's a question, because I think only time will tell, but with all the news, notoriety and 24-hour media coverage surrounding this tragedy for a week and then as fast as it was over, when we talk about, psychologically, closure -- I'm not talking about choices of disposition or anything else -- I'm just wondering, have the American people gained closure over this, or might there be some problems or unrest with many? You couldn't get around it for a week, and then all of a sudden it was over.
Rice: I think there's definitely a problem with public closure, and that's why I think probably some of the closure will come if and when they do provide some kind of memorialization.
ICFM: What lessons does Kennedy's burial hold for our industry?
Williamson: I think it basically teaches the industry, myself included, what the Wirthlin report first told us before they redid it a few years ago: that it's a small percentage of the cremationist families who are money-driven. It's a choice of disposition. As far as memorialization, that's an individual choice.
Laux: I couldn't agree with Gregg more. This perception that it's the "cheap way to go" is really a misconception, and I think we in the industry should stop perpetuating it. The reason for so many requests for disposition at sea is, again, in my opinion, an educational one. I think that's what generally gets the publicity in the media. I think that's what people think is connected with cremation in many cases. And I think if we offer alternatives, people are going to choose some of those alternatives. Not everybody, but some people will.
Simonson: The demographics of the so-called ideal Neptune Society of Northern California member is that they're middle income or above and they're professionals. In Marin County, which has the highest per capita income in the state of California, the cremation rate is 70 percent. And so definitely, at least from my perspective, cremation is not chosen because of price. In my opinion, they're choosing it because it's simple, it's environmentally more pleasing to them for whatever reason, and I think there also is some rebellion against the current traditional funeral system. So these are the kinds of things we hear at least from the people we serve.
Daly: First of all, anybody in the funeral or cemetery business who thinks there will be no impact because of all of that publicity is deluding themselves. There will be. What impact it will have depends a lot on the state of cremation in their particular area. I don't see that it's going to take Marin County's cremation rate from 70 percent to 100 percent or maybe even to 72 percent. That die probably is already cast. However, if I were in a 2 or 3 percent cremation area or below 10 percent and I had a large Catholic clientele, I would be nervous about what this might break loose in my clientele. I would start looking right now to become the expert in cremation in that community, because I think the opportunities will be relatively large.
If I were in the cemetery business, I'd have the same concerns, and if I didn't have good facilities and a reasonable multiple of choices for people who have chosen to cremate, in terms of memorialization and other service facilities in my cemetery, I'd be running around right now trying to figure out what could I do to provide some choices for these folks. If the only choice we've got is a partial grave at the side of the road or right up next to the hedge in the back corner of the cemetery, I wouldn't consider that sufficient. I'd be looking for a nice little urn garden with some running water in it and some things like that and looking to give some education to people and some choices so that they wouldn't feel the only thing they could logically do is scatter at sea.
Laux: I think one of the things the Kennedy death has done is it's shown the Catholics who were not sure of the Church's position on cremation that really they have no strong objection to it. And I think for those who may have been possibly going in the way of cremation, that has removed an obstacle for them.
ICFM: Was this burial a glorified ad for direct disposition without a funeral home or cemetery?
Rice: I think it probably was.
Laux: I don't know whether it will be interpreted that way, but it probably could be.
Simonson: I define direct disposition as being the family who calls on the phone, tells you to pick the body up, cremate it and then they'll come in and pick the cremated remains up and take them home or whatever. Anything where you're selling some sort of additional service such as scattering at sea is not a direct disposition.
Daly: Try to tell that to the cemetery.
Rice: Our funeral home is brand new, and we've got a retort, and we have been having seminars here and taking tours of the entire facility. It's been really beneficial. It either confirms to people that they do want cremation or, many times when people have been just on the line of questioning whether it's for them, they've decided that it isn't after they see the actual setup. So I think a good way of educating people is taking some of the unknown away from them, and that helps them to make choices and to understand what's right for them and what isn't.
Williamson: Since we've changed the name of the association recently [from American Cemetery Association to International Cemetery and Funeral Association], since we've invited mortuary operators and crematory operators and others in, when we talk about our industry: First, this certainly hasn't offended anybody who does cremation business already, and second, the lack of cemetery memorialization specifically I doubt has offended any of our funeral directors. I guess where I'm going with this is, I am offended because I think it's gone on for too many years, when some of us within the industry stand up, hold our breath till we turn blue and say, "How dare someone opt for this type of disposition?" I mean, I get to choose mine and hopefully have some input on my wife's, especially if she goes first.
By the same token, with the 5,000 families we service here in Southern Nevada a year, and half of our clients alone opt for cremation, I can't believe there are still mortuary or cemetery operators or combinations left in America, except maybe down in the Bible Belt, that haven't embraced it. Whether it be 2 percent of the opportunity or 40 percent of the opportunity, if that's the opportunity in your market, folks, if we are real care providers, we'd best be providing for these people's choices and showing them options that will give them the closure and completion and the memories they wish. And it upsets me that too often that isn't the case even today, and we're almost upon a new century.
Rice: I had a very personal situation because my first husband took his own life, and he had left a note that he wanted to be cremated, and I had a young son. And we did that, of course, because I absolutely believe in respecting someone's choice. But it was very, very difficult for us. We had a memorial service, but it was very difficult to have closure, and I ended up not only putting up a memorial up to him, but I designed a Circle of Love, I call it, here in our cremation garden that's a bronze circle, kind of like the wedding ring, and then a rose grows out of the middle of it. We just have those for people who, like me, need a focal point for paying respect and getting through the processes, and it made my son very proud to see that we'd done that. We've had a lot of people become interested in that, and we've also got a Wall of Tears that's just for cenotaphs, and that's been very popular, especially for people who have maybe had cremation and scattering in the past and still have a loss for being able to have somewhere to go to pay their respects.
So I've had a personal situation that definitely has affected the way I view cremation, and though I absolutely believe that everybody should have their own choices and I want to help them to get what they feel comfortable with, I also want them to understand that there are purposes for our traditional services. I think education and information is the answer to that, and then people can decide what's right for them.
Simonson: I think the way the industry can react to the JFK Jr. burial and to cremation in general is to quit thinking in terms of cremation as being a trend and think in terms of the funeral consumer finally segmenting like other types of consumers do. When you buy cars, you buy all different kinds of cars and things, and I think that's what's happening in the funeral industry and has been for quite some time. Consumers' desires have been segmented, and some want cremation, some want traditional burial, and I don't think it's going to change. It's just going to continue to segment.
Our experience is that the cremation client comes in not really knowing what to expect and not knowing what their options are. We've been moving away from the image of a direct cremation society to what we call a full-service cremation society, in which we offer a whole array of alternatives to cremation clients, and every year we take one more step forward in our success with providing clients with something more than just a direct disposition. And I think it can happen across the nation, but it's a mind-set. It's got to change.
Daly: I agree with you, Cindy. What you've done is what's needed, and that is finding meaningful ways to deal with the spectrum of cremation. I have about an hour-long presentation that I give that starts out, basically, "Boy, we had it easy when it was all burials, because everybody knew they were going to buy a casket, they knew they were going to buy a grave, they knew they were going to make a burial, they knew they were going to have a funeral service, and chances were 99 out of 100 they were going to buy a marker of some sort. That was so easy, but now we've got cremation people who have all these choices and don't know what their options are." We've got to move into the education field instead of just the service and merchandise delivery field, and it's going to make a heck of a change in this business, and a lot of the people in it aren't going to be able to turn that corner.
Laux: What I seem to be hearing everyone saying, and I agree with it, is that we have to be better listeners and we have to react quicker. The people today who are choosing cremation or any other service, for that matter, want to have more personal involvement in it. They want to have more modification in it so they can put their own personal signature on it. And I think we have to be prepared to do that. And that's what this is all about.
Daly: So the final paragraph in the story has got to be: Wake up, smell the cremation, attend your local and national educational meetings, visit the people who are doing real well with cremations, and get off your dime and start acting instead of reacting.
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Copyright ICFA 1999.
Individual written contributions and advertisements appearing in International Cemetery & Funeral Management do not necessarily reflect either the opinion or the endorsement of the International Cemetery and Funeral Association.
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